Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i need some magic done to my vagina
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
