i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
