If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
