her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
