Whod you bang
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
