i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
