is your mom at the bar?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
