I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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