Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
