Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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