he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Drunk is a universal language darling
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
