Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
