Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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