you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
