so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
