i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
