I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
