Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
