If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
