I wish I could teleport
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
