she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
this is an emotional support booty call
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
