There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize