I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
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He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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