Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize