The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
