ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
