Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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