He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
