Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
