I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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