I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
