Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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