I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
