Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
