After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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