i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
