11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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