how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I love how my cats smell like pot.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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