Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
