Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
