Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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