i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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