my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
