Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
