Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
