Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
