Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
