I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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