Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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