well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
