Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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