ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize