In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
