the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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