I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
