K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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