i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
