Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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