Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
