sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
