eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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