he shaved USA in his pubs
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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