Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
