I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
