what day is it and did you see me today?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
